I can’t post this on Twitter bc my boyfriend is on there.
I’ve been in a relationship for the last 3 months. I’ve only been in 3 other committed relationships prior to the one I’m currently in but I’m not going to count the first two because I was still a child when I was in them. Like, end of middle school/high school age. So I’ve only been in 1 other adult relationship and then I’ve had situationships every now and then.
My last relationship was from February 2019 to October 2020. For the most part we had a great relationship. We hit a lot of bumps in the road because the communication and comprehension between us was absolute shit which ultimately led to the failure of our relationship. An easy fix but by that point both of us were just over the relationship. No cheating or anything. Just communication and comprehension issues.
So I had been single from October 2020 to July 2023 when I started dating my current boyfriend that I met on a birthday trip for my cousin. My bf on the other hand, from stories I have heard from multiple people, he just got out of his last relationship last November and it was a nightmare. He is my cousin’s friend and I say friend loosely because they have expressed a slight dislike for my boyfriend many times. My bf was like a last minute invite, he originally wasn’t supposed to come on the trip.
My bf and I started talking June 30th of this year and we started a relationship July 30th, a month later. We didn’t know each other prior to this, we hadn’t been friends for long at all so we were really just throwing ourselves into this relationship and my cousin even told me that my bf is the type of guy to rush things and to not feel pressured to be with him but at the end of the day they would still support me in whatever decision I would make.
Now that I sit back and think about my relationship I truly think that I said yes simply bc I was sick of being single and the dating pool in this day and age is doomed. I do feel like I rushed into my relationship and that’s not how I am. I really like to give myself at least 3 months to be friends and get to know each other a little longer before deciding to date someone. My boyfriend is virtually a complete stranger to me.
And while I don’t always seek out looks when looking for a romantic partner, I really strayed far away with my current bf. He doesn’t look like the type of guy that I would normally be with and even a lot of my friends and family were like “are you sure?”
Like, I’ve said it’s only been 3 months and for the most part we have had no issues. I wouldn’t think so bc we’re supposed to be in the honeymoon stage, which I feel like is dying down really quickly and reality is setting in. He treats me very very well no doubt about that. I have had some run-ins with his ex a few times over the last couple months because she will not go away.
Despite him being really good to me and feeling like I got one of the last good ones in the dating pool, I also adore his family but I’m not happy.
I am starting to feel like I rushed into this. I feel like he’s suffocating me, I can’t breathe without him needing to know where I am and what I’m doing. He feels like I should spend all of my time texting him or being with him almost like I shouldn’t have a life or friends outside of my relationship. Like, my relationship should be the only thing I’m living and breathing for. He tries to talk to me while I’m working, I’m busy or I just want alone time to myself so he feels ignored. I try to spend any free days I have during the week with him or spend the night at his place on the weekends but I don’t want to spend every free moment I have with him so then he expresses that he’s annoyed with me because he feels like I’m limiting his time with me.
I hate spending the night at his house, his dogs aren’t trained that well. Like, they’re house broken, yeah, but they get into everything like the garbage, they sleep in the bed with us and it’s not a big bed so there’s not a lot of room so I wake up with body aches and back pain because the dogs sleep on top of me and they’re not small dogs and they claw you when they’re not getting what they want and my bf can’t breathe at night which causes loud snoring and ear plugs don’t help and I know he can’t help it but I’m always so miserable there. He’s not a clean person, despite him claiming he is. His house wouldn’t be spotless if it wasn’t for me. He had ADHD that he refuses to get help for so I get annoyed having to keep repeating myself all of the time.
He’s not satisfying me sexually, I feel like he could’ve told me beforehand that he was below average. He finishes way too quickly every time and a lot of the time we don’t even get to make it to penetration which is annoying to me because that’s my favorite part but even when we do, I can’t feel anything. He cuts me with his fingernails and it makes me bleed. He can never get me aroused, I never finish with him so I end up having to do it myself and because I’m not being sexually satisfied by him and on top of that him not really being my type there’s zero attraction and whenever he asks if we can, I have to mentally force myself to be like “ok” like he asked yesterday 3 times, we did once and finished before we even started doing anything and the other two times he asked I just pretend to be tired.
It shouldn’t be that way, I shouldn’t have to force myself to want to be intimate with my boyfriend but I have not been satisfied since the beginning of this year with one of my situationships that I had been with just weeks before meeting my bf for the first time ever.
I had this conversation with his ex and she had the same sexual experience with him that I’m having and eventually she just stopped sleeping with him all together because she said she was just sick of it
I’ve talked to him about a lot of these problems before and it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other
I don’t want to leave him because like I said, he treats me well but at the same time I’m not happy, i’d never cheat but I’m not happy and because of how toxic his last relationship was, I don’t think he has the mental strength to deal with another breakup. I think he’d fall into another spiraling depression like he said he did with his last gf but I’m at my wits end. He’s happy but I’m not 😭
